What is your Mission for Christmas

Let's work on making your Christmas less stressful. That doesn't happen without being purposeful in how you approach the season.  We can't do everything this season has to offer and still stay sane.  So, what will have to go?

First let's decide what your MISSION FOR CHRISTMAS is and then we can take things from there. Usually people approach Christmas in terms of three different areas: 

• Family
• The Season of Giving
• The Birth of Jesus.  

None of these are mutually exclusive but one is your MAIN focus. I was raised with the focus on family and as a mom I have chosen to be intentional about using this occasion to teach my children what the Bible says about Jesus. We also use this time for giving opportunities.  So what is most important to me? What is my MISSION? It's teaching about Jesus; the rest is just bonus.  Your mission may be different. I'm here to help you hone in on that mission and make Christmas work for you.

How does having a mission create less stress?

• It trims down your to-do list
• It gives you margin in your schedule
• It cuts costs because less things to do means less money spent
• It allows for more quality time spent on the things that are most important to you

For example, our family loves going to see the Nutcracker every year but this year I'm in a musical production of Singin' in the Rain and my weekends are booked with shows.  Trying to fit the Nutcracker in was getting to be stressful so I had to ask myself, "Is it THAT important? Does it support my mission for Christmas?" The answer is no.  My heart starts with the, "But it's a TRADITION!" Ya, so is cutting down the tree, viewing Christmas lights, traveling 2.5 hours to have dinner with my parents..... There are plenty of other things that are traditions.  If we have more time next year, we'll pick up the Nutcracker again.  In the meantime, that just freed up $130 in our Christmas budget. More money equals less stress. It's a win-win.

So, what will your main focus be this year? Do you want to instill family traditions that will create more time together and stronger bonds? Do you want to focus on teaching your children that this is the season of giving? Do you want to make sure your children see through the festivities and learn the “why” that Christmas is celebrating a change in the world’s history? Once you have your MAIN focus we can get to work on simplifying your to-do list and I'll even help you with tradition ideas that you can use to support your mission.

Post in the comments your thoughts on what your mission for this Christmas.....

A Christmas to Remember

This is the time to decide what type of Christmas you want this year.  Thanksgiving is behind us and December hasn't started yet.  You are right on the cusp.... Which shall it be? The crazy-I'm-trying-to-cram-it-all-in-and-make-everyone-happy Christmas or the I-can't-do-it-all-so-I'm-going-to-do-what's-best-for-my-family Christmas?

My mom dreaded Christmas.  As a kid, I could not understand her Bah-Humbug attitude but then I became a mom and found that the job of Santa wasn't left to the magical realm of the North Pole, I AM SANTA! I have no elves; I have no helpers in red suits positioned at all of the malls. This lady gets to do it all and the man in the red suit gets all the credit.

Christmas is a wonderful time and there are so many things I enjoy about it but when you take a look at what we put on ourselves to accomplish in one month, it's nuttier than Uncle Walter's fruit cake. Take a look at the list that I've compiled over the years of doing my talks:

Plan gifts

Buy Gifts

Wrap Gifts

Ship Gifts

Family Pictures-clothes, location, perfect shot with everyone looking at the camera and smiling

Order pictures

Create family letter

Address envelopes

Stamp envelopes

Actually mail them

Husband's office party

Find dress for party

Get babysitter for party

Bake cookies

Attend cookie exchange

Parties: school, church, friends, neighborhood, family

Gift exchanges for moms groups, small groups, Bible study group

Cut down tree

Decorate house

Prepare for travel or prepare house for guests

Visit retirement homes

Caroling

Volunteer soup kitchen

Bake, bake, bake

Events: Christmas lights, train rides, visit Santa, Nutcracker

Charity gifts: angel tree, Operation Christmas Child

Christmas Eve service

Christmas service

Prep dinner

Kids performances

Stockings

Secret Santa

Advent wreath

Advent calendar

Ladies Brunch/Luncheon/Craft Fair

Letters to Santa

(And all the financial stress that comes with all of the above)

I'm sure there is more to add to the list, but you get the picture.  We try to get more done is this one month than we would EVER try to do in any other month.  How are we supposed to be good moms creating great memories when we are stressed out?

Let's start a revolution! Let's give ourselves permission to create the Christmas that we want for our families, letting go of all the things that we don't need or love doing?  I'll show you how. Step by step.  Each day this week I will address a different aspect of de-stressing our Christmas.  We'll cross things off of our to-do list, we'll make a plan, and we’ll implement traditions that support our family mission for Christmas.

You'll want to share this with your friends.  Please feel free to "share" through Facebook or forward this blog to their email.  

This is going to be the year you make Christmas better for you and your family!

Leave a comment about something that drives you crazy this time of year.

Teacher Appreciation is not a day, it's an attitude

Ahhhhh It's my favorite time of year. I've always loved Back-to-School time.  I've made more successful changes in my life at this time of year than at all of my New Years combined.  It's such a fresh start.

There's also the fact that I'm a school supply junkie.  I loved setting up my classroom. I loved going to Target and buying 10 spiral notebooks for $1.  I STILL have black marbled composition books that I bought at 15 cents apiece over 8 years ago. This year, I enjoyed checking off each of the items on the teachers’ wish lists so much so that my husband was starting to think about sending me to OCD camp. I just had to get EXACTLY what was on the list. That's one of the ways I show my kids' teachers that I love them.

You may recall a post where I was falling apart because I was the "Bad Mother of the Year" sending my son to the school walk-a-thon without sunscreen or a water bottle when I suddenly saw all of these perfect moms walking with bouquets of balloons and arm loads of Starbucks and wrapped gifts for the teachers because it was Teacher Appreciation Day. I felt like complete crud. I dropped the kids off and pulled out of the parking lot with tears streaming down my face.  

It was then that I snapped out of it and realized that I DID show the teachers appreciation. They knew it and I knew it.

Having been on both sides of the classroom door, I want to share what I think are the 10 best ways to show appreciation to a teacher:

1.      Get your children to school prepared and on time.

2.     Attend Back to School Night and conferences. Unless you attend these informational meetings, you are relying only on your child to communicate what the teacher expects.  That leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings and creates more work for the teacher to play catch up on the things you missed.

3.     Create a calm home life that meets your child's emotional and physical needs so they aren't worried while at school. This may mean making sure there is enough time in your morning scheduled to not be running around stressed out and yelling at everyone (guilty of that myself) or keeping things between you and your ex as amicable as possible so the child isn't at school worried about his mom and dad fighting with each other.

4.     Feed your child real food. You can't deny that what we eat and drink affects our moods and brain function while you are standing there talking to me with your double vanilla latte in your hand. A morning breakfast of Cap'n Cruch is not equal to oatmeal or eggs with fruit. Lunchables are not real food.  Children's motors don't run well on bad fuel.

5.     Respect the teachers and their job. When you do have a problem with a teacher, deal with it constructively by communicating with her before complaining to anyone else about the issue.

6.     Be a reader.  When your children are young, read to them every night. As a tutor, I've seen what a HUGE difference this makes in a child's ability to learn. If the children are older, be a good role model. Unplugged from electronics just a half an hour each day and have reading time.  Let them catch you reading a book. Fiction, non-fiction, a newspaper, any type of quality reading. If you don't love reading, fake it 'til you make it.

7.     Support the rules.  The rules are there for a reason and even if you don't care for some of them it is very important that you support them. The rule that homework is to be turned in on time is like us getting our bills paid on time.  You don't pay your electric bill, the electricity gets turned off. There are dress codes in the working world too. When you don't follow the dress code at work, you get fired.  Learning and practicing these rules now will give your children a much easier life as adults. Later on, they will thank you.

8.     Don't bail the kids out or do their homework for them. Forgetting their homework once a year is one thing but bringing their backpack to the front office every time they leave it at home is enabling them and won't help them in their adult life. Doing their homework for them? It's a much better lesson to let them get an F on something they didn't do and deal with the consequences (take away their phone? TV? Video games?) Plus it’s lying and we don’t want to make liars of our children right?

9.     Believe the teacher. I had NO good reason to call and tell you a child cheated on a test unless the child actually cheated on a test.  There is no motivation for me to make up a lie and cause more problems for myself.  I can spend my time and energy doing one hundred other things, but students will lie if they think it will save their behinds. 

10. Give a compliment. I kept a file in my drawer called "The Happy File" where I kept notes and emails that were positive.  If your child is coming home with work you admire, send a quick email to the teacher letting them know. My Kindergartner had little rhymes her teacher taught her to remember how to write her letters and numbers. I thought that was fabulous so I let the teacher know. You would be surprised by how much harassment teachers have to put up with from parents. Your kind words could be the ones that keep a teacher going on a bad day.

Notice none of the above cost money? Well buying real food does, but that’s kind of our job by law anyway.

As this school year gets rolling, keep these tips on mind.  I rather have parents do the things on this list than spend one day or one week buying me things. But hey, if you want to show appreciation on top of what is listed here, (might I suggest gift cards to office supply stores or Target) go for it! You would surely deserve extra credit!

I can't be the only one, let's start a club!

It's tough to raise children, no matter what.  I like to think back to older times and think,  "Man, they just didn't have to deal with what we deal with." And I believe it with all of my heart.  But that doesn't mean I think it was ever easy to raise good children.

We can't look back and change anything BUT we can change the now.  There is so much competing with our parenting and when I look at friends who have worked hard to do what is best for their children, they still end up with broken hearts because of the choices their children make.  What can I do to raise my children well?

There seems to be this sneaky little thought pattern that creeps up on parents.  I don't even know what to call it.  It's cute and sweet and makes our children happy and that's what we want for our kids right? But like cotton candy that seems so cute and sweet and makes our children happy, it harms them.  The sugar turns to acid that starts to drill away at their teeth later causing cavities. Or the happy sugar high comes down to a sugar low and our children act out and then we get mad at them for misbehaving.

I've noticed that treats really aren't treats anymore when they are expected every day.  Once they become regular and expected, then you must up the anti when the time really does call for a treat.

Another problem is the reward we get as parents. It's EASIER if we just give our kids what makes them happy in the short run. Less fighting. More peace and quiet for us.

So what I'm saying is, raising children who will become adults and have the tools needed to make good decisions and become honest, responsible, contributors to the betterment of society means taking the harder route as parents.

It means saying the word, "No." It means providing opportunities for our children to stretch and grow and guess what that means???? We have to let our children experience pain even when it PAINS US to see them go through it. We need to stop wrapping them in bubble wrap, stop changing everything around so it's just right, stop interfering so much.  When they are in pain, we have to come along side them and help them become stronger so that when the bigger pains in life come along, they can be strong enough to handle it.... without us..... GASP!

Earlier this week, Dave Ramsey read something written by Lee Pitts that Paul Harvey read on his show (I know it's a friend of a friend of a friend thing) that made me realize that I must not be alone in my thinking. It was actually published into a book so I hope I'm not breaking some copyright laws. If you'd like to purchase it, he has a website: Lee Pitt Books

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse.

For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand-me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meatloaf sandwiches.

I really would. I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in. I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother.

And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,
but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared,
I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother wants to tag along,
I hope you'll let him.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your 'driver' to drop you two blocks away
so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl,
and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what Ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain,

burn you hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.

And if a friend offers you dope or a joint,
I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your Mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor's window

and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment,
hard work and happiness.

To me, it's the only way to appreciate life. 

A lot of those situations used to happen naturally and some things still do.  Hand-me-downs have certainly become more popular with the economy but we are honestly still more affluent than most.  Just because we CAN give our kids so much, should we? 

Just because it's cute and sweet and makes them happy now, will it in the long run?

Our Jar Size Never Changes

My kids were with my parents for a week!!! I made a huge list of things to do with my free time and got right down to business.  I quickly learned a lesson:

No matter what, our jar size never changes.

We each get 24 hours in a day and although I got a lot more done without interruptions, I only got a fraction of my To-Do list done.  I'm realizing that the image I have as I get ready to go to bed, the image of that lady who is going to live my life the next day and be so productive, doesn't really exist.  The lady that DOES show up, has migraines and other challenges.  She's also a bit of a perfectionist so it takes 3x longer than planned in order to get something done correctly.

Day 1.  I planned on designing letters to promote my speaking topics for the coming school year
Day 2.  Research churches to send letters to, label, and mail the letters.  After the quick visit to the post office, I planned to use my Joann's gift card to buy clearance crafts to keep the kids busy during the summer
Day 3.  Go through the kids' toys and purge the clutter
Day 4.  Clean out my closet and gather clothes from all family members to donate
Day 5.  Get house ready for my birthday gift of a house cleaner visit.  I wanted to have the house organized for our summer schedule when the kids came back.
Add to that the daily walk and pilates or yoga class.

In the end, I didn't have a house that looks like the end of an episode of Horders.  The kids' toys are still way over cluttered.  The refrigerator wasn't stocked with all the well-planned healthy meals inspired by the new Paleo cookbooks delivered during the week.  I fired the house cleaning company because the scheduling and constant rescheduling (I've lost count at 7 last minute rescheduling for 3 visits) has caused more stress than just having a dirty house.  But I DID create and mail out wonderful promotional letters for my business and enjoyed not cooking one dinner the entire week. (more on our cheap date nights in another post)

So, now I'm back to wearing the Mom Hat as I put my rocks in the jar each day.  Still doing quiet times, getting back to going to bed in a timely manner and getting up early in order to get the day rolling.  My latest victory has been balancing the "Schedule Nazi" with the "It's Summer, Let's Chill Fairy."

It's just not worth it to try to shove as many rocks into your jar as you can.  The jar is only so big and if you push it, something is going to break!

How is your summer jar going?

Have a great 4th of July filled with friends, family, and hope!

I'm GI Jane, not Mary Freakin' Poppins

Day One of summer was tough but my strategy paid off.  Totally different children for Day Two.

 Day One

Day Two

       I credit working on my other rocks: my time with God in the morning, getting to bed at a decent time, and cutting out sugar for my ability to stay calm and carry on.Gotta take care of myself first before I can help my kids.

 My Facebook status for the first day of summer vacation was  this:

Day one of summer vacation and my son is screaming and flopping on the floor, "I don't like the rule that we have to pick up our stuff before we can go somewhere!!!!" You should have seen him flipping out because his sister is singing. Oh boy, hopefully we can bootcamp him into the summer routine or else it's going to be a looooong one

I could tell by a couple of the responses I got that some people are far removed from my reality.  I’ve mentioned before that my son has issues.  I don’t say that lightly. He isn’t like your average kid so I can’t discipline him like the average kid.

I realize that posting about my kids’ meltdowns may give people the wrong impression.  They are good kids 90% of the time (Well, one is 99% and the other is 80%) and I think the meltdowns make for funny stories. I tried crying about them but that didn’t work so now I try to laugh at them.

          Today I want to show the flipside of the meltdowns.  There’s always more to the meltdown stories but it doesn’t make for a funny ending, more like an “Oh, she’s just bragging about what a perfect parent she is” ending.  And we all know, a perfect parent is not how I see myself.

You see, I don’t just let my kids have their fits and walk away.  It may look like I’m letting them get away with it in the short run by not getting them to stop right away. This is where all that money spent on parenting classes, psychologists, and books for dealing with my son's Encopresis pays off. Love and Logic tells you that the only thing you can control is your behavior.  I can smack a crying kid or tell them, “Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!” I’ve found that it doesn’t work on my kids which makes sense, if I’m upset and crying would I calm down if someone hit me or yelled at me? Nope.  Plus they are so drunk on emotion at that point that they can’t be reasoned with.  Kevin Leman’s book Have a New Kid by Friday teaches that the lesson sinks in better when you wait and deal out the consequences when it really hits home.  My dad taught the biggest part of the solution which is, follow through. I don’t let them win in the long run. I know their currency and I use it as a carrot. The people who watched and listened as my daughter had a never-been-done-before HUMONGOUS fit at Target and rolled their eyes at my “lack of parenting” (because if I were a good parent, she wouldn’t be having this fit? She's a kid) they missed the ending where after she finally calmed down, she walked back in the store to the aisle on which she left the toys out and calmly put them back in place. She then walked to the cashier and apologized for her behavior.

They missed that this turned into a Never-To-Be-Done-Again fit when the next day on another trip to Target, Boo said to me, “Mama, I’ll never have a fit like that again. It didn’t work.”  We ended up at the cash register just one aisle over from the day before and she said, “Oh, that’s aisle 10 where we were yesterday.” She remembered the aisle number? I wouldn’t have been able to tell you that.  I told the cashier that Boo was remembering the five alarm meltdown she had had the day before.  The cashier asked, “What time was that?” Around 4:30. “Oh, I was here for that.” Who would forget that?  She took out a sticker and gave it to Boo saying, “Good job for behaving so well today.”

Hello people!! Do you think Boo learned her lesson?  Just because the other people saw a snapshot of my life, they don’t know the whole story. 

So, this brings me to our first day of summer vacation.  Yesterday was miserable. Fighting new rules, bickering with each other, acting like married people who have been home together for too long.  My son had to put his Legos back in the box three different times because I was making him clean-up before we could move on to something else. He fought it every time. While he’s flopping on the floor, do I grab him and yell, “You better pick those up right now or they’re gone!!!”  No, because he’s too drunk on emotion.  I tell him that if he wants to go to Target to get his friend’s birthday present for the next day’s party, he has to get the Legos put away.  And I walk out of the room (that’s called not engaging. Pay attention, I just saved you $50 of psychologist fees.) Each time he didn’t want to do something, I pointed out that he was stuck until he did what I said. 

So, this morning he came into my room and asked, “What chores do I have to do before I can play video games?”  When I told him we were doing laundry before playing, his response was not a flop on the floor with screaming.  He answered, “Yes ma’am.”  Throughout the whole process of separating, folding, learning how to fold the towels properly (his wife can thank me later), and putting everything away, I only heard positive things coming from this boy. He was so proud when he was done that I took a picture of him standing proudly next to his folded clothes.

Yesterday, my son learned that GI Jane is here to stay and she is calm and in control.

That's what DVR is for.

Even though I was watching My Best Friend's Wedding for the first time in over a decade and it was my favorite part where they break out in song at the restaurant with the workers in the background wearing crab claw oven mitts swaying back and forth, I did turn off the TV and go to bed at 10pm.  I thought, "Heck, that's what DVR is for." But that's been true for years yet I have had the hardest time turning the boob tube off at a reasonable hour.

It was still hard for me to go to sleep despite the fact that I was so tired at 7:30pm, but I managed.  Getting up wasn't a joy either but I'm not expecting miracles after just one day.

Today is the last day of school for the kids and I've been working on our "daily schedule" to try to keep a routine this summer.  We'll see how that goes.  I'm so not good at enforcing routines.  I love them, I need them, but I need someone to keep me accountable.  You'd be surprised how much having a blog audience does that for me.  I know someone will be reading this and somehow that makes me motivated to get done what I said I'd do. So if you're having a hard time keeping your promises to yourself, start a blog! Imagine all of these people blogging about going to bed on time. Our grandparent's generation would be laughing pretty darn hard at us."Why in my day, you went to bed at a decent hour because that's what you're suppose to do!"