When Priorities Change

I’m happy to say that I’m still keeping up with my first two goals for the year.  I finished reading Ruth in the Bible and I’m now on to 1 Samuel.  I’ve also kept up on writing and have hit a natural rhythm with it.  I’ve been sneaking in other things like walking and eating healthier.  But something has come up in our lives that’s going to require a major overhaul.

Two weeks ago my son’s teacher let me know that he is not getting his work done in class.  This is not a surprise. She has communicated having trouble getting him motivated in the past. She has tried many things in the classroom and has hit a wall.  She wanted to know if she could send work home with him.  This is work on top of the homework he is regularly assigned. The hope is that he can learn that it’s better to get his work done during the time allotted at school rather than at home when he could be doing something else.

Please know that  my son is not struggling with understanding his work. He’s struggling with staying on task and getting things done because he just doesn’t want to do the work.

So, he’s lost:

playing video games

playing with friends after school

TV time

his beloved reading books at bedtime

Basically he spent the last two weeks at the kitchen table getting work done.  Or not, depending on whether or not he stayed focused.

Most children would start to learn by now that this way of doing things is not fun.  One thing we’ve learned over time with all of the behavior modifications we’ve tried to implement with our son and his special behavior is that he takes a looooonnggg time to learn new behaviors.

So, what does this all have to do with my rocks? Well it means that in order to put this rock to the top of the priority list, I’m going to have to up my game, as well as see where other things need to be cut. I’m not willing to cut out my Bible reading or my writing but there are other places I can cut time.  For example, I usually grocery shop at three stores: Winco for the basics since they have the best prices. Whole Foods for the organic fruits, veggies, and meat. Then finally, Trader Joe’s for specific things like their organic beef jerky or their hummus.  Today, I went to one store and that was it.  I paid more for bread, cereal, and yogurt than if I had shopped around, but I’m going to have to cut my time somewhere.

Here’s where it gets scary for me. The things that the teacher is seeing in our son (and our daughter too) are problems I have with my A.D.D. They have trouble staying on task, keeping focus, finishing what they start.  They are easily distracted especially by other people.

My husband and I get frustrated that our kids don’t put things away when they are done with them leaving a trail of activities behind as they go through the day.  By the end of the day they are so overwhelmed with what they have to clean up that they shut down.

I take a look around the house and I think to myself, “I’m just as bad!!!! Who am I to try to teach my kids to be more focused? To start something and finish it? To stay on task?  To not get distracted by people?”  It’s like the blind leading the blind!  

Who am I?

I’m their mom. Their first teacher.

So, I’m taking on a whole new challenge.  I’m going to fake being an organized-clean-loving mom who is on top of things.  I’m going to try doing the “stay” part of “Stay-at-home-mom.” I’m going to have meals planned, grocery shopping done, laundry completed, a place for everything and everything in its place.  There are people who do this naturally.... I’m not one of them.

The first thing that will need to be done is a major decluttering of the apartment.  We went from a 2400 square foot house to an 1100 square foot two bedroom apartment two and a half years ago.  Since then, there have been birthdays, Christmases, and a thousand other excuses for things to come into the house but rarely go out.  I’m considering becoming a Jehovah’s Witness and stop celebrating any holidays to keep so much stuff from coming into the apartment.

I’m horrible at letting things go so it’s no surprise that my kids are the same way.  We will have to go through books, clothes, stuffed animals, and other toys and get rid of a BUNCH of things.  I may need to call the people on the Hoarders show and see if they can talk us through it.

The next thing will have to be the organizing of what we do keep. I have some things in place like where the kids keep their toothbrushes and tooth paste but for some reason, every single night I have to tell them to put their items back into their holders. 

That’s where my real problem comes into play.  How do I go from setting things up to teaching the kids to do what they need to do independently?  I’m not expecting to set things up, teach them once, and send them on their merry way.  I guess I need to get back into the headspace I was in when I was a teacher.  The first two weeks of school were spent learning and practicing routines with lots of positive reinforcement.  I was AWESOME at classroom management.  One of the biggest compliments I received from a student was when he told me that they nicknamed me G.I. Jane after the first day of school.

Just writing that gives me hope that I CAN do this. I do have it in me.  Are you ready to follow me and hold my hand through this process?

HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO OVERCOME YOUR OWN SHORTCOMING IN ORDER TO LEAD OTHERS? ANY ADVICE FOR A MOM WITH A.D.D. WHO IS TRYING TO TEACH HER CHILDREN TO BE FOCUSED????