With six months to live, what would you do?

So, what if you only had six months to live? 

It’s amazing how we change the way we see things when that question is asked.  We’d spend more time with family, we’d take care of the business we haven’t made a priority. And yet once all is said and done, we go about our lives as if we will live to 97 and die because by then, that’s what we’re supposed to do.

Yesterday, a video went around on Facebook about a seventeen year old named Zach Sobiech who was diagnosed with cancer and how he lived the remainder of his life.  He died yesterday and my friend picked out this quote as his favorite, "I want to be known as the kid who went down fighting, but didn't really lose." - Zach Sobiech

You can watch the video here: Zach Sobiech

My husband and I had just been having the conversation of how I would live my life if I only had six months to live.  Seriously, like 15 minutes before I saw this video on my friend’s update.

I laughed and said there’d be a lot of traveling.  See, that’s not realistic in every-day-I’m-gonna-live-until-97 life.

I’d:

• go to Yosemite
• go to Capitola
• go to Disneyland
• but most importantly, I’d go to Africa and love on people by helping families devastated by HIV/AIDS and war. I can address the “why Africa” question in another post but for now, I’ll just say I have felt God place Africa on my heart since my late twenties.

For 15 years, Africa has been put on my “someday” list but if that six months deadline was in front of me, I’d be going.

See, that’s a lot of the six months time already booked with traveling.  If I did that in “real life” that would cost a lot of money and be frivolous.  So where is the balance?

It wouldn’t make sense for us to quit our jobs and spend all of our savings to do the things we’d do if we lived as if time was limited and resources were not.

Where is the balance? 

But to continue the list, I’d:

• Sing a solo in a musical
• have that last heart-to-heart with my family and friends trying to convince them of Jesus’s love for them
• write letters to my kids for occasions in their lives I want to be there for like graduations, wedding days, first heartbreaks
• let people in my life know how much they mean to me and how they have made me who I am
• make memories with my children and just love on them
• NOT feel guilty about the house being a mess or dinners out instead of cooked at home
• People, I would EAT whatever I wanted!!!

What about you?

would you reach out to someone who you have hurt or has hurt you?

visit that lost love that you’ve been trying to push to the back of your mind?

open your heart to someone you’ve been holding back from and tell them how much you love them?

write that book you’ve wanted to write but were too afraid to try?

Some things don’t work in the everyday life thing.  I can’t eat whatever I want. I’d be uncomfortable and unhealthy and since I DON’T know when or how I will go, I need to take care of myself.

But some things do work and it shouldn’t have to take pulling the, “I’ve got a brain tumor” card to make things happen.

Where is the balance?

How about picking one or two things on your list and working on them?

I’m happy to say that I have a solo in an upcoming musical and I’m gonna enjoy the heck out of the process. I’m working my darndest to get my special people in my life together so I can show them my appreciation and if it can’t happen with all of them together at one time, they’re just going to have to settle for my appreciation on a individual daily level.  I can write letters for my children that they can open on those special occasion days.

I’m happy to say that by doing the “My Rocks in a Jar” goals for this year, if I did find out that I only had six months to live, I have quite a few important things already on the calendar that I would keep.  Doing the musical which includes time with some of my very special people, family camp in the redwoods with my husband and children which happens to not be far from Capitola, we have an annual pass to National Parks which means Yosemite is a definite possibility even for just a day.  I spend time with my friends each week and try to let them know how much they mean to me.  The husband and I plan more dates now.

And what about once you are gone? What do you need to do to make sure you are loving people in how you leave things? 

Don’t forget to get your life insurance taken care of and put your will in order. Make time for the important conversations or live out your love with what you do in your life.  When you are gone, how do you want to be remembered? 

Go out today and live that life.  Because the reality is, there is a date out there that has your name on it.  We just don’t know which date it is.

WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO DO BEFORE YOU GO? WHAT CAN YOU DO TODAY TO GET THAT GOING?

It's ALWAYS the right time to be your best!

I was asked to think of something happening in my life in July to serve as my “anchor” for my weight loss goals.  Why July? I don’t know. I guess because it’s far enough away to realistically make some good progress yet close enough to feel some urgency?

Funny thing is that it seems like there’s always something that makes me think, “Oh, if only I were 10-15 pounds lighter.”  Cute spring dresses, sexy Halloween costumes, dresses for the husband’s work Christmas party.  I’ve been WAITING for years for the 80’s trend to come back into fashion and here they are except I’m not at my 80’s weight.  I find myself thinking, “If only I had started taking care of myself six months ago.... “

I finally realized that it’s ALWAYS a good time to be your best.  There’s always going to be a reason that I wish I started taking care of myself six months ago instead of waiting until now.

It doesn’t just apply to weight loss.

I’ve talked about enjoying being in musicals.  It feeds my soul.  Each time auditions come up I panic about having to sing.  When I was a Senior in high school, I had a really bad experience with singing in front of people that completely changed the way I saw myself.  I made a promise that some day I’d take voice lessons and make things better.  I finally took my first lesson last week.  Auditions are tonight and you bet I’m wishing I had started lessons six months ago.  

Oh well, I guess I’m getting ready for whatever auditions are in six months!

It’s ALWAYS the right time to be your best.  Your six months ago starts TODAY.

IN WHAT AREA OF YOUR LIFE DO YOU WANT TO BE BETTER? WHAT CAN YOU DO RIGHT NOW TO BE BETTER IN SIX MONTHS?

UPDATE:  I found my anchor for July.  I got a role in our theatre’s production of The Wiz and the rumor is that the setting is Steampunk. We start rehearsals July 8th. It’s always the right time to look good in a corset!! My “six months ago” starts right now!

Diva, Martyr, or Honored? Mother's Day is a great teaching opportunity.

This is a recycled post from last year after Mother's Day. Just a reminder that we teach our children how to treat us.  Are we a diva, a martyr, or someone to be honored?

I love being on stage. I love being noticed. I love being appreciated. So, you would think Mother's Day would be one of the best days of the year for me. But, I've learned Mother's Day isn't really about the moms. It's about the kids. I also learned a big lesson this weekend: that Mother's Day is a great teaching opportunity and I have neglected it the last 8 years.

I have shared my opinion of Mother's Day with audiences over the years. Not wanting to be the martyr mom that complains about how my Mother's Day was disappointing because I still had to cook and do the dishes, that my kids fought, and my husband bought me pajama jeans “As Seen on TV”, I took matters into my own hands. 

My favorite meal is brunch and I searched around to find a great brunch in the area and made our reservations. No cooking, no doing dishes? Check. 

When I saw a Groupon offer for 3 house cleaning sessions for $99, I snapped it up letting my husband know that my Mother's Day and birthday gifts were purchased. No pajama pants as gift? Check.

Children fighting? Well, in the past I took care of that by hosting a Mother's Day sleep over at a hotel the Friday before Mother's Day. Can't do much about them on Sunday but I got one night of no fighting (or at least one night of me not hearing them fight) Check.

This has worked very well over the years. Even this year was pleasant. But something was missing. 

We normally have brunch in Old Sacramento but this year I changed the restaurant to a closer location. My son still wanted to go to Old Sacramento for the traditional trek through the free candy samples at Candy Heaven. Not my idea of a fun time, but hey. "Sure, babe. I'd do that for you. Let's go!" 

During the half hour drive, my daughter started a tantrum that involved dramatic crying and thrashing because she couldn't play with her brother's swim goggles. After a while my husband looked at me and said, "Probably not the gift you wanted on Mother's Day." But I answered, "My greatest gift is that our son is not reacting." Normally he would be screaming with her telling her to “BE QUIET!!!!” Causing her to cry and thrash even louder. Instead he stayed quiet in the back seat. That's huge for the kid who has sensory processing issues.

I honestly enjoyed counting my blessings of true gifts throughout the day realizing that the day wasn't meant to be "all about me." If that were the case, we'd be spending our time somewhere other than candy shops and toy stores.

I wasn't the center of attention, I wasn't a martyr, and I was content with my blessings. So, what's missing? What learning opportunity had slipped by me? It wasn't until the next morning that I realized the kids and my husband had done nothing for me. No card, no homemade breakfast, no trip to the dollar store to buy a dust collector disguised as a figurine. 

And even though I jokingly posted a pic on my Facebook page poking fun at the crowd of dads in the greeting card section of the grocery store at 3pm on Saturday, there was something important happening. They were being role models showing appreciation and respect for the mother of their children.

By making sure I was not disappointed on Mother's Day and taking care of things myself, my kids were just along for the ride. They are old enough now to learn to do things for other people, to make others feel special. Shoot, everything is about them in their little world, we HAVE to teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them. Next time, I will see encouraging a little special attention as a good thing, letting them pamper me to learn something. I can handle that kind of sacrifice. So, note to self: this Father'sDay, we are going to knock ourselves out making a fuss over Dad. 

Which leads me to the question: Do they make pajama jeans for men?

UPDATE:  My birthday is not long after Mother's Day so last year after this post, the kids worked with my husband and made a poster for me made up of pictures and words that remind them of me.  We did the same for my husband for his birthday.

This year I'm hearing a lot about the "surprises" that they are planning for me for Mother's Day.  My daughter hasn't figured out that you are supposed to keep surprises a secret! It's been darling.  We are still going out to brunch and walking around Old Sacramento for the free candy samples, but I know the kids are very aware now that this is a special day to honor their mother. There will be cards, and chocolate chip cookies (shhhh, they're surprises.) Yeah!!! Teaching children to think of others? Check!

How to Pre Plan Your May Goals

Happy May!!

We are almost half way through 2013!  And here we are still working on our goals.

I'm plugging away at my goals taking on a little at a time.  Life sure gets busy and my focus has to change depending on what's going on in the world around me.  I'm happy to say that my son has been getting his work done at school.  Today we celebrated SIX DAYS in a row of no "Green Folder" coming home with unfinished work to complete.  We are playing up the positive and celebrating each milestone.  He has been able to play on the playground after school and he's playing video games after his homework is done.  For completing a whole week with no folder, he gets a special treat. He requested that his dad get a fishing license!  I see some good father/son time in his future.

Not having to play Work Warden allows me to put my energy back into other things. I have a lot of Bible reading to catch up on but that should be up to date by the end of this week. (UPDATE: I'm caught up!)

How do we set ourselves up for success in May? Here's my plan.

1. Write down goals!!!
2. Use the Rocks board to focus daily
3. Pre-mark Progress Chart

Goals for May:

God-Read Bible 365 daily readings

Health-Exercise for neck relief

        Family-Dates with husband

        Finances-Keep checkbook balanced. Use cash. Meet with hubby to discuss 3x.

Career-Keep Blogging

        Self-Fulfillment-Audition for The Wiz

Health: I've decided that I really must focus on the health of my neck because I've been in some sort of pain constantly since April 9th. So neck and core exercises are a must.  I need to get out walking too because my depression has been well.... a bummer.

God:  Keep up on Bible reading. It can pile up quickly!!!

Family: The husband and I have been communicating a lot and both of us are digging deep to work on our marriage.  We have two date nights on the calendar. One with friends and one just us.

Finances: Meet with the hubby three times to check-in on the finances. We've already set the budget for the month and I've filled the envelopes with cash. This really helps me by taking away the burden of inputting every single debit transaction in the register. Looks like we may even finish Dave Ramsey's Baby Step 3A by the end of the month which is building a fully funded emergency fund.

There I did Step One.

Step Two. Using the Rocks board that I made has been awesome!  Here’s today’s:

And something I’m trying for the first time, pre-marking my progress chart to show what I plan to do and when.  As I complete each task, I mark an X through it. Here's how the month looks so far:

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR MAY? HOW DO YOU PLAN TO KEEP MOTIVATED THIS MONTH?

I am creating a new website that will combine my speaking information and my blogging.  It will be my "All-In-One Home" So keep an eye out for the announcement of the big move!

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Love People Where They Are

Love People Where They Are

I’ve told a story for years now and the other day I came across its centerpiece. This Aerosmith concert t-shirt from their 1990 Pump tour.

I was living in another state working as a day care provider during the day and a bartender at night saving for a trip to Europe. Three of us were living in a one bedroom apartment with a donated couch and mattresses on the floor. 

Ah to be young and carefree! 

Closing a bar at two in the morning was not glamorous.  We’d call the last call, cash people out, clean out the bar swill (all the spilt alcohol that mixes together to make a stinky brown concoction), wash dishes, mop the floor, and head home.  By the time I got home and had a chance wind down, it was four in the morning. Sometimes I just fell asleep like that. Sitting on the couch, second hand smoke in my hair, nasty swill smell on my clothes.....

Knock Knock Knock!

Ugh, who is knocking on my door on a Saturday morning? What time is it? Oh, 10 a.m. I guess most people would be up by now, but I’m only on my sixth hour of sleep.

Groggy with who knows what kind of bedhead, I answer the door to greet the nicest well-dressed religious door-to-door people you have ever seen. And I’m wearing this Aerosmith gory t-shirt. I’m sure I was a sight!!  They probably thought they had some easy pickings with what looked (and smelled) to them like some hung-over metal head who didn’t know God from.... well.... Adam....

“Hello, can we speak to you for a few minutes?”

Sure.

“We’d like to talk to you about Jesus.”

Yes, I know him well.

“Well did you know that......”

Yes, I did. And yes, I do read the Bible. And yes, I do have a personal relationship with him. And yes, I have asked him into my heart as my Savior. And yes, I do pray with him daily......

I don’t think they bought a word of it.  And I can’t really blame them.  In that interaction, how could they know my heart? How could they know my past?

I bought the shirt because the back had the words to my favorite song on it, Janie’s Gotta Gun, a song about a victim of sexual abuse who takes the situation into her own hands and shoots her abuser. It was dark and scary looking. Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by a friend’s father, the song meant a lot to me and the dark and scary look of the shirt represented how I felt about the situation. 

The shirt and other choices I was making reflected where I was at that time of my life, but that journey wasn’t without God. He was there with me. Holding my hand.  Loving me THROUGH the pain.  I was still a Christian.

How many times do we see other people and judge them because they don’t LOOK like we think they should? Instead they wear clothes are less conservative than ours, they drink more than we do, they just don’t follow the rules like we think they should?  Do we come at them with that judgement like, “I need to let that person know they are sinning!”  Or do we come along side them, love them, and leave the judging up to God?

I’ve grown since my twenties and it’s not because someone “fixed” me.  The growth I’ve done has come from the Holy Spirit convicting me and growing me. It’s come from inside me. It’s come from knowing God more and learning what pleases him.  

So, where do people fit into this equation?  It’s the ones that loved me where I was at that helped me move along this journey.  Ones that welcomed me in the door at church regardless of what I was wearing or how late I walked in. The sweet girl in my college Bible study that described me as “colorful” because I swore like a sailor even at church gatherings.

Love people where they are. If we judge them and get snotty about the little things, how are they ever going to know Christ and let him into their hearts in order for him to shape them into the diamond he intends them to be?

WHAT ARE THINGS YOU HAVE BEEN JUDGED FOR THAT AREN’T WHO YOU ARE NOW? WHAT DO YOU NEED TO LOOK PAST IN ORDER TO LOVE OTHER PEOPLE THAT COME INTO YOUR LIFE?

Rock the System!!!

When I do my "Rocks in a Jar" talk, I teach the audience how to make this work in their daily life.  The number one thing you MUST do is look at your rocks daily.  If not, you will slip back into your old habits of letting life happen to you and not living intentionally.  I know because I do it too!

I'm very visual and I wanted to make looking at my rocks easy for myself so I set up a board that has my rocks on it.  It's in my bedroom so when I wake-up my rocks are right there waiting for me.

The board on the bottom is my "Throw Up" board. I wake-up with thoughts popping in my head like popcorn. "I've got to make the Dr. appointment, oh pay the water bill, I've got a great blog idea, ask hubby when he's coming home from his trip, need to take the receipts in to church....."  If I don't get these thoughts out and into word form they will either get lost or get stuck and I have the same thoughts over and over again.

I do not do all seven rocks every day (I teach that in my talk too. Start with one or two goals and get good at those before adding more).  So each day, I decide which rocks I will be working on and move them to the "Today" column.  I chose a white board because I wanted to be able to write the specific thing I needed to do for that rock under the rock's label:

As I complete a goal, I move the rock label to the "Done" section.  Whatever gets done gets mark off on my progress chart.

I guess it's like a chore chart for grown-ups.  As with all great tools, it's only as good as how you use it. I'll give a progress report in a couple of weeks.

How about you? DO YOU HAVE A WAY OF FOCUSING ON YOUR GOALS EACH DAY? DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT MAKING AND KEEPING GOALS?

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My Quarter Year Crisis-Getting Back on Track

One quarter of 2013 is over.  I think March was my Quarter Year Crisis month.  I didn’t balance my checkbook once. Not only did I not balance it, I didn’t input my purchases.  I haven’t behaved that way in five or six years.  Usually updating the checkbook and making sure everything balances is my way of feeling in control and that all is right, at least in my little world.

My eating was out of control (darn my favorite cupcake place opening in my town!!!) and  cleaning was sporadic.  I think I was throwing a grown-up temper tantrum.  Tired of being the responsible one. Tired of being the one who takes care of all of the finances, cleaning, calendar, communication, kids activities, social obligations, etc.

Luckily I still held on to some 2013 habits. I’m caught up on my Bible reading and here I am doing my own writing even though I contemplated posting other people’s blogs while the kids are out of school for two weeks.

So it’s a new month, and new quarter, a new start.

What are my goals for April:

• Keep up with Bible reading
• Keep up with writing
• Exercise 3x a week
• Make April’s budget and keep up with checkbook
• Date Night
• Clean out house for friend’s garage sale for Kenya Mission Trip (I am never motivated to clean unless there’s a good reason!)

What do I need to do to get back on track:

• LOOK at my goals daily
• Hang my progress chart so I can fill in the boxes daily (remember that low tech chart paper I used to track my progress for January? I took it down for a talk and never put one back up. Bad news!)
• Share my goals with my accountability partner
• Scrap the month of March in the checkbook and just start over for April.
• Use the cash envelope system (sure cuts down on inputting all those food transactions!)

ARE YOU AT A POINT WHERE YOU NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK? WHAT DO YOU NEED TO MEET YOUR GOALS THIS MONTH? 

Feel free to post in the comment section below. It’s amazing what putting your goals down into writing can do to help you stay on track.