I can't be the only one, let's start a club!

It's tough to raise children, no matter what.  I like to think back to older times and think,  "Man, they just didn't have to deal with what we deal with." And I believe it with all of my heart.  But that doesn't mean I think it was ever easy to raise good children.

We can't look back and change anything BUT we can change the now.  There is so much competing with our parenting and when I look at friends who have worked hard to do what is best for their children, they still end up with broken hearts because of the choices their children make.  What can I do to raise my children well?

There seems to be this sneaky little thought pattern that creeps up on parents.  I don't even know what to call it.  It's cute and sweet and makes our children happy and that's what we want for our kids right? But like cotton candy that seems so cute and sweet and makes our children happy, it harms them.  The sugar turns to acid that starts to drill away at their teeth later causing cavities. Or the happy sugar high comes down to a sugar low and our children act out and then we get mad at them for misbehaving.

I've noticed that treats really aren't treats anymore when they are expected every day.  Once they become regular and expected, then you must up the anti when the time really does call for a treat.

Another problem is the reward we get as parents. It's EASIER if we just give our kids what makes them happy in the short run. Less fighting. More peace and quiet for us.

So what I'm saying is, raising children who will become adults and have the tools needed to make good decisions and become honest, responsible, contributors to the betterment of society means taking the harder route as parents.

It means saying the word, "No." It means providing opportunities for our children to stretch and grow and guess what that means???? We have to let our children experience pain even when it PAINS US to see them go through it. We need to stop wrapping them in bubble wrap, stop changing everything around so it's just right, stop interfering so much.  When they are in pain, we have to come along side them and help them become stronger so that when the bigger pains in life come along, they can be strong enough to handle it.... without us..... GASP!

Earlier this week, Dave Ramsey read something written by Lee Pitts that Paul Harvey read on his show (I know it's a friend of a friend of a friend thing) that made me realize that I must not be alone in my thinking. It was actually published into a book so I hope I'm not breaking some copyright laws. If you'd like to purchase it, he has a website: Lee Pitt Books

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse.

For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand-me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meatloaf sandwiches.

I really would. I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in. I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother.

And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,
but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared,
I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother wants to tag along,
I hope you'll let him.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your 'driver' to drop you two blocks away
so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl,
and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what Ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain,

burn you hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.

And if a friend offers you dope or a joint,
I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your Mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor's window

and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment,
hard work and happiness.

To me, it's the only way to appreciate life. 

A lot of those situations used to happen naturally and some things still do.  Hand-me-downs have certainly become more popular with the economy but we are honestly still more affluent than most.  Just because we CAN give our kids so much, should we? 

Just because it's cute and sweet and makes them happy now, will it in the long run?

Our Jar Size Never Changes

My kids were with my parents for a week!!! I made a huge list of things to do with my free time and got right down to business.  I quickly learned a lesson:

No matter what, our jar size never changes.

We each get 24 hours in a day and although I got a lot more done without interruptions, I only got a fraction of my To-Do list done.  I'm realizing that the image I have as I get ready to go to bed, the image of that lady who is going to live my life the next day and be so productive, doesn't really exist.  The lady that DOES show up, has migraines and other challenges.  She's also a bit of a perfectionist so it takes 3x longer than planned in order to get something done correctly.

Day 1.  I planned on designing letters to promote my speaking topics for the coming school year
Day 2.  Research churches to send letters to, label, and mail the letters.  After the quick visit to the post office, I planned to use my Joann's gift card to buy clearance crafts to keep the kids busy during the summer
Day 3.  Go through the kids' toys and purge the clutter
Day 4.  Clean out my closet and gather clothes from all family members to donate
Day 5.  Get house ready for my birthday gift of a house cleaner visit.  I wanted to have the house organized for our summer schedule when the kids came back.
Add to that the daily walk and pilates or yoga class.

In the end, I didn't have a house that looks like the end of an episode of Horders.  The kids' toys are still way over cluttered.  The refrigerator wasn't stocked with all the well-planned healthy meals inspired by the new Paleo cookbooks delivered during the week.  I fired the house cleaning company because the scheduling and constant rescheduling (I've lost count at 7 last minute rescheduling for 3 visits) has caused more stress than just having a dirty house.  But I DID create and mail out wonderful promotional letters for my business and enjoyed not cooking one dinner the entire week. (more on our cheap date nights in another post)

So, now I'm back to wearing the Mom Hat as I put my rocks in the jar each day.  Still doing quiet times, getting back to going to bed in a timely manner and getting up early in order to get the day rolling.  My latest victory has been balancing the "Schedule Nazi" with the "It's Summer, Let's Chill Fairy."

It's just not worth it to try to shove as many rocks into your jar as you can.  The jar is only so big and if you push it, something is going to break!

How is your summer jar going?

Have a great 4th of July filled with friends, family, and hope!