What is your Mission for Christmas

Let's work on making your Christmas less stressful. That doesn't happen without being purposeful in how you approach the season.  We can't do everything this season has to offer and still stay sane.  So, what will have to go?

First let's decide what your MISSION FOR CHRISTMAS is and then we can take things from there. Usually people approach Christmas in terms of three different areas: 

• Family
• The Season of Giving
• The Birth of Jesus.  

None of these are mutually exclusive but one is your MAIN focus. I was raised with the focus on family and as a mom I have chosen to be intentional about using this occasion to teach my children what the Bible says about Jesus. We also use this time for giving opportunities.  So what is most important to me? What is my MISSION? It's teaching about Jesus; the rest is just bonus.  Your mission may be different. I'm here to help you hone in on that mission and make Christmas work for you.

How does having a mission create less stress?

• It trims down your to-do list
• It gives you margin in your schedule
• It cuts costs because less things to do means less money spent
• It allows for more quality time spent on the things that are most important to you

For example, our family loves going to see the Nutcracker every year but this year I'm in a musical production of Singin' in the Rain and my weekends are booked with shows.  Trying to fit the Nutcracker in was getting to be stressful so I had to ask myself, "Is it THAT important? Does it support my mission for Christmas?" The answer is no.  My heart starts with the, "But it's a TRADITION!" Ya, so is cutting down the tree, viewing Christmas lights, traveling 2.5 hours to have dinner with my parents..... There are plenty of other things that are traditions.  If we have more time next year, we'll pick up the Nutcracker again.  In the meantime, that just freed up $130 in our Christmas budget. More money equals less stress. It's a win-win.

So, what will your main focus be this year? Do you want to instill family traditions that will create more time together and stronger bonds? Do you want to focus on teaching your children that this is the season of giving? Do you want to make sure your children see through the festivities and learn the “why” that Christmas is celebrating a change in the world’s history? Once you have your MAIN focus we can get to work on simplifying your to-do list and I'll even help you with tradition ideas that you can use to support your mission.

Post in the comments your thoughts on what your mission for this Christmas.....

A Christmas to Remember

This is the time to decide what type of Christmas you want this year.  Thanksgiving is behind us and December hasn't started yet.  You are right on the cusp.... Which shall it be? The crazy-I'm-trying-to-cram-it-all-in-and-make-everyone-happy Christmas or the I-can't-do-it-all-so-I'm-going-to-do-what's-best-for-my-family Christmas?

My mom dreaded Christmas.  As a kid, I could not understand her Bah-Humbug attitude but then I became a mom and found that the job of Santa wasn't left to the magical realm of the North Pole, I AM SANTA! I have no elves; I have no helpers in red suits positioned at all of the malls. This lady gets to do it all and the man in the red suit gets all the credit.

Christmas is a wonderful time and there are so many things I enjoy about it but when you take a look at what we put on ourselves to accomplish in one month, it's nuttier than Uncle Walter's fruit cake. Take a look at the list that I've compiled over the years of doing my talks:

Plan gifts

Buy Gifts

Wrap Gifts

Ship Gifts

Family Pictures-clothes, location, perfect shot with everyone looking at the camera and smiling

Order pictures

Create family letter

Address envelopes

Stamp envelopes

Actually mail them

Husband's office party

Find dress for party

Get babysitter for party

Bake cookies

Attend cookie exchange

Parties: school, church, friends, neighborhood, family

Gift exchanges for moms groups, small groups, Bible study group

Cut down tree

Decorate house

Prepare for travel or prepare house for guests

Visit retirement homes

Caroling

Volunteer soup kitchen

Bake, bake, bake

Events: Christmas lights, train rides, visit Santa, Nutcracker

Charity gifts: angel tree, Operation Christmas Child

Christmas Eve service

Christmas service

Prep dinner

Kids performances

Stockings

Secret Santa

Advent wreath

Advent calendar

Ladies Brunch/Luncheon/Craft Fair

Letters to Santa

(And all the financial stress that comes with all of the above)

I'm sure there is more to add to the list, but you get the picture.  We try to get more done is this one month than we would EVER try to do in any other month.  How are we supposed to be good moms creating great memories when we are stressed out?

Let's start a revolution! Let's give ourselves permission to create the Christmas that we want for our families, letting go of all the things that we don't need or love doing?  I'll show you how. Step by step.  Each day this week I will address a different aspect of de-stressing our Christmas.  We'll cross things off of our to-do list, we'll make a plan, and we’ll implement traditions that support our family mission for Christmas.

You'll want to share this with your friends.  Please feel free to "share" through Facebook or forward this blog to their email.  

This is going to be the year you make Christmas better for you and your family!

Leave a comment about something that drives you crazy this time of year.

Teacher Appreciation is not a day, it's an attitude

Ahhhhh It's my favorite time of year. I've always loved Back-to-School time.  I've made more successful changes in my life at this time of year than at all of my New Years combined.  It's such a fresh start.

There's also the fact that I'm a school supply junkie.  I loved setting up my classroom. I loved going to Target and buying 10 spiral notebooks for $1.  I STILL have black marbled composition books that I bought at 15 cents apiece over 8 years ago. This year, I enjoyed checking off each of the items on the teachers’ wish lists so much so that my husband was starting to think about sending me to OCD camp. I just had to get EXACTLY what was on the list. That's one of the ways I show my kids' teachers that I love them.

You may recall a post where I was falling apart because I was the "Bad Mother of the Year" sending my son to the school walk-a-thon without sunscreen or a water bottle when I suddenly saw all of these perfect moms walking with bouquets of balloons and arm loads of Starbucks and wrapped gifts for the teachers because it was Teacher Appreciation Day. I felt like complete crud. I dropped the kids off and pulled out of the parking lot with tears streaming down my face.  

It was then that I snapped out of it and realized that I DID show the teachers appreciation. They knew it and I knew it.

Having been on both sides of the classroom door, I want to share what I think are the 10 best ways to show appreciation to a teacher:

1.      Get your children to school prepared and on time.

2.     Attend Back to School Night and conferences. Unless you attend these informational meetings, you are relying only on your child to communicate what the teacher expects.  That leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings and creates more work for the teacher to play catch up on the things you missed.

3.     Create a calm home life that meets your child's emotional and physical needs so they aren't worried while at school. This may mean making sure there is enough time in your morning scheduled to not be running around stressed out and yelling at everyone (guilty of that myself) or keeping things between you and your ex as amicable as possible so the child isn't at school worried about his mom and dad fighting with each other.

4.     Feed your child real food. You can't deny that what we eat and drink affects our moods and brain function while you are standing there talking to me with your double vanilla latte in your hand. A morning breakfast of Cap'n Cruch is not equal to oatmeal or eggs with fruit. Lunchables are not real food.  Children's motors don't run well on bad fuel.

5.     Respect the teachers and their job. When you do have a problem with a teacher, deal with it constructively by communicating with her before complaining to anyone else about the issue.

6.     Be a reader.  When your children are young, read to them every night. As a tutor, I've seen what a HUGE difference this makes in a child's ability to learn. If the children are older, be a good role model. Unplugged from electronics just a half an hour each day and have reading time.  Let them catch you reading a book. Fiction, non-fiction, a newspaper, any type of quality reading. If you don't love reading, fake it 'til you make it.

7.     Support the rules.  The rules are there for a reason and even if you don't care for some of them it is very important that you support them. The rule that homework is to be turned in on time is like us getting our bills paid on time.  You don't pay your electric bill, the electricity gets turned off. There are dress codes in the working world too. When you don't follow the dress code at work, you get fired.  Learning and practicing these rules now will give your children a much easier life as adults. Later on, they will thank you.

8.     Don't bail the kids out or do their homework for them. Forgetting their homework once a year is one thing but bringing their backpack to the front office every time they leave it at home is enabling them and won't help them in their adult life. Doing their homework for them? It's a much better lesson to let them get an F on something they didn't do and deal with the consequences (take away their phone? TV? Video games?) Plus it’s lying and we don’t want to make liars of our children right?

9.     Believe the teacher. I had NO good reason to call and tell you a child cheated on a test unless the child actually cheated on a test.  There is no motivation for me to make up a lie and cause more problems for myself.  I can spend my time and energy doing one hundred other things, but students will lie if they think it will save their behinds. 

10. Give a compliment. I kept a file in my drawer called "The Happy File" where I kept notes and emails that were positive.  If your child is coming home with work you admire, send a quick email to the teacher letting them know. My Kindergartner had little rhymes her teacher taught her to remember how to write her letters and numbers. I thought that was fabulous so I let the teacher know. You would be surprised by how much harassment teachers have to put up with from parents. Your kind words could be the ones that keep a teacher going on a bad day.

Notice none of the above cost money? Well buying real food does, but that’s kind of our job by law anyway.

As this school year gets rolling, keep these tips on mind.  I rather have parents do the things on this list than spend one day or one week buying me things. But hey, if you want to show appreciation on top of what is listed here, (might I suggest gift cards to office supply stores or Target) go for it! You would surely deserve extra credit!

I can't be the only one, let's start a club!

It's tough to raise children, no matter what.  I like to think back to older times and think,  "Man, they just didn't have to deal with what we deal with." And I believe it with all of my heart.  But that doesn't mean I think it was ever easy to raise good children.

We can't look back and change anything BUT we can change the now.  There is so much competing with our parenting and when I look at friends who have worked hard to do what is best for their children, they still end up with broken hearts because of the choices their children make.  What can I do to raise my children well?

There seems to be this sneaky little thought pattern that creeps up on parents.  I don't even know what to call it.  It's cute and sweet and makes our children happy and that's what we want for our kids right? But like cotton candy that seems so cute and sweet and makes our children happy, it harms them.  The sugar turns to acid that starts to drill away at their teeth later causing cavities. Or the happy sugar high comes down to a sugar low and our children act out and then we get mad at them for misbehaving.

I've noticed that treats really aren't treats anymore when they are expected every day.  Once they become regular and expected, then you must up the anti when the time really does call for a treat.

Another problem is the reward we get as parents. It's EASIER if we just give our kids what makes them happy in the short run. Less fighting. More peace and quiet for us.

So what I'm saying is, raising children who will become adults and have the tools needed to make good decisions and become honest, responsible, contributors to the betterment of society means taking the harder route as parents.

It means saying the word, "No." It means providing opportunities for our children to stretch and grow and guess what that means???? We have to let our children experience pain even when it PAINS US to see them go through it. We need to stop wrapping them in bubble wrap, stop changing everything around so it's just right, stop interfering so much.  When they are in pain, we have to come along side them and help them become stronger so that when the bigger pains in life come along, they can be strong enough to handle it.... without us..... GASP!

Earlier this week, Dave Ramsey read something written by Lee Pitts that Paul Harvey read on his show (I know it's a friend of a friend of a friend thing) that made me realize that I must not be alone in my thinking. It was actually published into a book so I hope I'm not breaking some copyright laws. If you'd like to purchase it, he has a website: Lee Pitt Books

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse.

For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand-me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meatloaf sandwiches.

I really would. I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in. I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother.

And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,
but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared,
I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother wants to tag along,
I hope you'll let him.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your 'driver' to drop you two blocks away
so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl,
and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what Ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain,

burn you hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.

And if a friend offers you dope or a joint,
I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your Mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor's window

and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment,
hard work and happiness.

To me, it's the only way to appreciate life. 

A lot of those situations used to happen naturally and some things still do.  Hand-me-downs have certainly become more popular with the economy but we are honestly still more affluent than most.  Just because we CAN give our kids so much, should we? 

Just because it's cute and sweet and makes them happy now, will it in the long run?

Our Jar Size Never Changes

My kids were with my parents for a week!!! I made a huge list of things to do with my free time and got right down to business.  I quickly learned a lesson:

No matter what, our jar size never changes.

We each get 24 hours in a day and although I got a lot more done without interruptions, I only got a fraction of my To-Do list done.  I'm realizing that the image I have as I get ready to go to bed, the image of that lady who is going to live my life the next day and be so productive, doesn't really exist.  The lady that DOES show up, has migraines and other challenges.  She's also a bit of a perfectionist so it takes 3x longer than planned in order to get something done correctly.

Day 1.  I planned on designing letters to promote my speaking topics for the coming school year
Day 2.  Research churches to send letters to, label, and mail the letters.  After the quick visit to the post office, I planned to use my Joann's gift card to buy clearance crafts to keep the kids busy during the summer
Day 3.  Go through the kids' toys and purge the clutter
Day 4.  Clean out my closet and gather clothes from all family members to donate
Day 5.  Get house ready for my birthday gift of a house cleaner visit.  I wanted to have the house organized for our summer schedule when the kids came back.
Add to that the daily walk and pilates or yoga class.

In the end, I didn't have a house that looks like the end of an episode of Horders.  The kids' toys are still way over cluttered.  The refrigerator wasn't stocked with all the well-planned healthy meals inspired by the new Paleo cookbooks delivered during the week.  I fired the house cleaning company because the scheduling and constant rescheduling (I've lost count at 7 last minute rescheduling for 3 visits) has caused more stress than just having a dirty house.  But I DID create and mail out wonderful promotional letters for my business and enjoyed not cooking one dinner the entire week. (more on our cheap date nights in another post)

So, now I'm back to wearing the Mom Hat as I put my rocks in the jar each day.  Still doing quiet times, getting back to going to bed in a timely manner and getting up early in order to get the day rolling.  My latest victory has been balancing the "Schedule Nazi" with the "It's Summer, Let's Chill Fairy."

It's just not worth it to try to shove as many rocks into your jar as you can.  The jar is only so big and if you push it, something is going to break!

How is your summer jar going?

Have a great 4th of July filled with friends, family, and hope!

I'm GI Jane, not Mary Freakin' Poppins

Day One of summer was tough but my strategy paid off.  Totally different children for Day Two.

 Day One

Day Two

       I credit working on my other rocks: my time with God in the morning, getting to bed at a decent time, and cutting out sugar for my ability to stay calm and carry on.Gotta take care of myself first before I can help my kids.

 My Facebook status for the first day of summer vacation was  this:

Day one of summer vacation and my son is screaming and flopping on the floor, "I don't like the rule that we have to pick up our stuff before we can go somewhere!!!!" You should have seen him flipping out because his sister is singing. Oh boy, hopefully we can bootcamp him into the summer routine or else it's going to be a looooong one

I could tell by a couple of the responses I got that some people are far removed from my reality.  I’ve mentioned before that my son has issues.  I don’t say that lightly. He isn’t like your average kid so I can’t discipline him like the average kid.

I realize that posting about my kids’ meltdowns may give people the wrong impression.  They are good kids 90% of the time (Well, one is 99% and the other is 80%) and I think the meltdowns make for funny stories. I tried crying about them but that didn’t work so now I try to laugh at them.

          Today I want to show the flipside of the meltdowns.  There’s always more to the meltdown stories but it doesn’t make for a funny ending, more like an “Oh, she’s just bragging about what a perfect parent she is” ending.  And we all know, a perfect parent is not how I see myself.

You see, I don’t just let my kids have their fits and walk away.  It may look like I’m letting them get away with it in the short run by not getting them to stop right away. This is where all that money spent on parenting classes, psychologists, and books for dealing with my son's Encopresis pays off. Love and Logic tells you that the only thing you can control is your behavior.  I can smack a crying kid or tell them, “Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!” I’ve found that it doesn’t work on my kids which makes sense, if I’m upset and crying would I calm down if someone hit me or yelled at me? Nope.  Plus they are so drunk on emotion at that point that they can’t be reasoned with.  Kevin Leman’s book Have a New Kid by Friday teaches that the lesson sinks in better when you wait and deal out the consequences when it really hits home.  My dad taught the biggest part of the solution which is, follow through. I don’t let them win in the long run. I know their currency and I use it as a carrot. The people who watched and listened as my daughter had a never-been-done-before HUMONGOUS fit at Target and rolled their eyes at my “lack of parenting” (because if I were a good parent, she wouldn’t be having this fit? She's a kid) they missed the ending where after she finally calmed down, she walked back in the store to the aisle on which she left the toys out and calmly put them back in place. She then walked to the cashier and apologized for her behavior.

They missed that this turned into a Never-To-Be-Done-Again fit when the next day on another trip to Target, Boo said to me, “Mama, I’ll never have a fit like that again. It didn’t work.”  We ended up at the cash register just one aisle over from the day before and she said, “Oh, that’s aisle 10 where we were yesterday.” She remembered the aisle number? I wouldn’t have been able to tell you that.  I told the cashier that Boo was remembering the five alarm meltdown she had had the day before.  The cashier asked, “What time was that?” Around 4:30. “Oh, I was here for that.” Who would forget that?  She took out a sticker and gave it to Boo saying, “Good job for behaving so well today.”

Hello people!! Do you think Boo learned her lesson?  Just because the other people saw a snapshot of my life, they don’t know the whole story. 

So, this brings me to our first day of summer vacation.  Yesterday was miserable. Fighting new rules, bickering with each other, acting like married people who have been home together for too long.  My son had to put his Legos back in the box three different times because I was making him clean-up before we could move on to something else. He fought it every time. While he’s flopping on the floor, do I grab him and yell, “You better pick those up right now or they’re gone!!!”  No, because he’s too drunk on emotion.  I tell him that if he wants to go to Target to get his friend’s birthday present for the next day’s party, he has to get the Legos put away.  And I walk out of the room (that’s called not engaging. Pay attention, I just saved you $50 of psychologist fees.) Each time he didn’t want to do something, I pointed out that he was stuck until he did what I said. 

So, this morning he came into my room and asked, “What chores do I have to do before I can play video games?”  When I told him we were doing laundry before playing, his response was not a flop on the floor with screaming.  He answered, “Yes ma’am.”  Throughout the whole process of separating, folding, learning how to fold the towels properly (his wife can thank me later), and putting everything away, I only heard positive things coming from this boy. He was so proud when he was done that I took a picture of him standing proudly next to his folded clothes.

Yesterday, my son learned that GI Jane is here to stay and she is calm and in control.

That's what DVR is for.

Even though I was watching My Best Friend's Wedding for the first time in over a decade and it was my favorite part where they break out in song at the restaurant with the workers in the background wearing crab claw oven mitts swaying back and forth, I did turn off the TV and go to bed at 10pm.  I thought, "Heck, that's what DVR is for." But that's been true for years yet I have had the hardest time turning the boob tube off at a reasonable hour.

It was still hard for me to go to sleep despite the fact that I was so tired at 7:30pm, but I managed.  Getting up wasn't a joy either but I'm not expecting miracles after just one day.

Today is the last day of school for the kids and I've been working on our "daily schedule" to try to keep a routine this summer.  We'll see how that goes.  I'm so not good at enforcing routines.  I love them, I need them, but I need someone to keep me accountable.  You'd be surprised how much having a blog audience does that for me.  I know someone will be reading this and somehow that makes me motivated to get done what I said I'd do. So if you're having a hard time keeping your promises to yourself, start a blog! Imagine all of these people blogging about going to bed on time. Our grandparent's generation would be laughing pretty darn hard at us."Why in my day, you went to bed at a decent hour because that's what you're suppose to do!"

Priority Challenge Week 1-It's a Win-Win

According to an article published by Harvard Medical School 6 Reasons Not to Skimp on Sleep, the result of sleep deprivation could explain A LOT of the problems I complain about and blame on age or having children. Can you relate to any of the following?

Problems with memory

Poor metabolism, weight gain

Sleepiness during the day

Making mistakes because of lack of focus

Irritability, impatience, inability to concentrate, and moodiness

Increased stress hormone levels (cortisol aka the belly fat hormone)

I can raise to my hand to all of the above.  So, my challenge for this week is to get more sleep. More is too general so let me be specific, I will go to bed at 10pm and wake-up at 6am. I normally stay up to 12 or 1am and my alarm goes off at 6.  I used to be able to function on 6 hours of sleep but that was when I was eating so well and exercising.  Now I do it just because I enjoy being awake when the kids are asleep. There are days like Saturday when either my son or daughter isn't falling asleep and plays the "I'm going to come up with a thousand excuses to go in my mom's room game" and not fall asleep until 10:30pm.  The kids share a room so they feed off of each other and the idea of fighting with one of them while the other is sleeping keeps me from playing bad cop with the one that is awake. Then there is my co-dependent husband.  We both know that we need more sleep but like to hang out with each other and watch T.V. 

So by doing this challenge I could:

Remember more things

Help myself to lose or keep off weight

Have more energy

Not make as many mistakes

Be less moody

Lessen belly fat

Shoot, it's a win-win. Get MORE sleep and feel better? Why didn't I try this sooner?

If you are enjoying "My Jar of Rocks" please forward the blog by using the options below. Post on Facebook, email, tweet, whatever it takes to share the information.  Also you can subscribe to the blog and receive it in your email in-box. Go below the comment box and click on "Subscribe by email" Thanks!!!

Politics and the Playground

I'm going to chalk this up to falling under the Health rock in the mental health section.  My major mission in life is to change the way motherhood is seen from the eyes of moms.  I curse Martha Stewart for her cute little ways of making the norm into things beyond necessary.  I'm all for decorating and baking when it gives you joy BUT when it takes over society as a competition to rival the Olympics, something has got to give.

I had to talk myself down last year from a bad morning and learned a great lesson that I have to relearn on a bi-weekly basis. So here's the scene:

It's morning and I'm running around in my usual morning rush trying to get everything done including dragging kids out of bed "AWWWW MOM!", getting them breakfast "If you don't eat it  in 10 minutes, it's going in the trash", getting them dressed, "You can wear this or this, which do you prefer? No, that one is not an option it's fleece and long sleeves and it's supposed to be 95 degrees today."  We are heading out the door right on time (I know because I have 4 different alarms for the different stages of the morning: mom up, kids up, done with breakfast time to get dressed, and the one that is sounding now that is the sound of a nuclear sub alarm WAH-WAH-WAH letting us know it's Go Time) and as we're out of the gate almost to the car I remember that today is walk-a-thon day!  There was a flyer or five sent home reminding moms to put sunblock on the kids, send a hat (normally against the rules), and a water bottle for this special fundraising day. Crap! I got none of the above but I'm not about to be late for school so my kid is just gonna have to get skin cancer (as if the sunblock will still be on and working after 5 hours of normal kid wear and tear including 3 recesses) and he's NOT going to die of dehydration. Remember when we only had the drinking fountain to drink from at school not thermo cooled filtered water carried in our licensed character back pack? Remember when we didn't have backpacks until our backs and shoulders were strong enough to carry them and we maybe carried home a workbook, a math textbook and loose paper in our Pee Chee folders? Plus I know darn well they have moms with spray bottles spraying down the kids and water bottles that they hand out.

Did you catch the poor planning of this event? I didn't until this year when I got my second chance at getting this walk-a-thon thing right. It's planned in mid-May in the central valley of California and takes place at the END of the school day.  I'm not kidding; it gets to be 95 degrees. But this does not cross my mind last year when it was my first year of being a mom of a school-goer. I wasn't strong enough yet to say, "Forget that! Why don't they do this extortion, I mean fundraiser, in the MORNING?"

As I pull into the school parking lot feeling like the most neglectful mom in the world, I see all of these parents carrying armfuls of flowers, balloons, and Starbucks coffee cups. Venti people, not grande (which is medium) or tall (which is their word for small) but fricken Venti because you know what today is besides the super-hot money extortion walk-a-thon? Well it's Teacher Appreciation Day of course! It's a new holiday they've come up with since we were in school where parents compete to bring the biggest and bestest show of appreciation for the poor people who have to teach our kids. 

I lost it. I give my son air kisses as he's climbing out of the car to the curb where the teacher watches to make sure he gets the 5 feet safely to the playground (times are different people!) and I slowly drive out of the parking lot with tears streaming down my face. I suck! My poor son, God gave him a mom with ADD who is in her 40s so she can't remember what she walked into a room for let alone the random changes in school schedules that seem to happen just often enough to no longer be special but just enough to mess up the regular routine of the things I already have a hard time remembering like PE on Tuesday for one kid but on Wednesday and Friday for the other kid with a Free PE thrown in on Thursdays, Library on Monday for one kid and Thursday for the other. Reading logs are due on Friday and Behavior Logs are due on Monday. Math homework is two things done and turned in everyday, Spelling is three things but due only on Friday, and the writing homework that is supposed to be weekly but only is assigned maybe 2-3 weeks out of the month is given on Monday but due on Friday.  The only reason I know all of this by heart is because we have 4 days left of school.  I will have to erase it all to make room for learning next year's routine because it will all be different.

What will these people think of my poor son? He will be out there dragging himself around the perimeter of the school with skin cancer dying from dehydration while the volunteer moms shake their heads and tisk-tisk-tisk saying, "That mom is soooooo bad.  She's letting her child die knowing darn well that no teacher in her right mind will save him because who wants to save a child whose mom doesn't even bother to bring a Venti Caramel Macchiato and a bouquet of homemade cake pops on Teacher Appreciation Day????"

And then it hit me! What was I worried about? My son's well-being? No! I know he is going to be just fine.  My son's teacher? No, I know darn well from my own experience that the best appreciation a parent can show a teacher is making sure that she is respected, that the student is learning what he's supposed to learn, getting his homework done, and for me to stay the heck out of her way of getting her job done. I got her a gift card for a massage at Christmas.  I sent her an email letting her know how impressed I was with what my son was showing me when he came home from school and that although we got the call that his name was finally picked for the local charter school, we turned it down because of how well our son was doing in HER class.  Do the other parents know any of this? No, and that's how it should be.

I was worried about what these other moms thought of ME. And that my dear readers is NOT mentally healthy.

So today as the moms were bringing their homemade cake pops and cupcakes that look like actual hamburgers for their kids to sell at Market Day, I felt a twinge of Martha Stewart envy. But my 42 year old brain remembered last year's lesson. It's not about the moms, it's not about me, it's about my children learning to become the best they can be and not worrying about what other people on the playground think of them.

I've got to keep my priorities straight and not get sidetracked by the politics of the playground or the parking lot as the case may be. I do not want to teach my children to judge themselves based on peer pressure therefore I need to not judge myself based on peer pressure.

Remind me of that tomorrow because last night I found out that the spirit day theme is "College Day."  I have no idea what my kid is supposed to wear for that. Who has child size college shirts around? I have my old college sweatshirt that is 10x too big and the forecast is 87 degrees. My husband said we can send the kids to school with Red Solo cups with their names on them written in Sharpie......

Health gets a jar of its own

So my second rock is Health.  As I explained yesterday, we have to take care of ourselves or we can't be 100% there for those we love.  I know because during the last 7 years I've been plagued with many health issues and I've spent a lot of time MIA being in bed with migraines, sleep deprivation catch-up, recovering from a broken foot, etc. And those are just the physical problems.  I also have the joy of inheriting the depression gene on top of some childhood trauma.  So I'm well rounded in the health challenges.

Before having kids, I was really healthy.  I cut out tons of junk from my diet and I was exercising regularly.  I was on no medications what-so-ever and I had lots of energy.  My headaches were gone and my mood was level.  No allergies, no tummy trouble, life was good.  Once I got pregnant, I was so sick.  In the first trimester I was a mess.  Nothing sounded good to eat.  Even though I forced myself to eat, I lost 10 pounds in my first trimester with my daughter.  I've never fully gone back to the healthy eating I was doing before.  So I get it when people say they don't have enough time to eat right.  Being healthy takes effort, time, and resources.  It's much easier to eat the convenient food our fast paced society provides. But it's killing me and it's hurting my family.

So what would the jar of health look like? What rocks would go in first and what is the sand that would keep me from doing well?

Rocks: fruits and vegetables, exercise, sleep, supplements, time outside, soul filling hobbies, "me" time, and even the quiet time that I've been doing for my God rock.  (Rocks supporting rocks!) Not all of those rocks would be put in the jar on a daily basis but most should be.

Pebbles: socializing with others especially other healthy moms, journaling, reading good books

Sand: energy zappers like sugar, caffeine, fried food, dairy is an issue for me, negative unproductive time like too much time on Facebook or surfing the web mindlessly, too much TV, complaining, eating at restaurants with few exceptions, running up the stairs in the dark and breaking my right foot leaving me unable to do much especially drive for 6+ weeks (trust me, it can happen)

Does this overwhelm you? Are there things you KNOW work better for you and your health but you have stopped doing them?

I'm not going to jump right in and get all of these rocks going at once.  I'm working bit by bit until I get good at something then I'll add more.  Right now I've given up refined sugar for the last week and I've added supplements I've learned about in my research of depression.  Doing my daily quiet time has been positive.

We'll spend some time with the health jar so don't be in a huge hurry to take everything on at once.

What will you do today to help yourself?

Below after the comment box, there is a link to subscribe to these blog posts.  Click on it to subscribe!

When is putting yourself first the right thing to do?

There seems to be two extremes on this subject. There’s the "Looking Out for Number One" club and the "I'm Supposed to Do Everything for Everyone Else" club.  Neither is healthy.  So as I go into the next rock in my jar, I want to be clear that this is not a license to be completely selfish and use it as an excuse to live life without my spouse or children in mind.  This is actually about doing what is BEST for my spouse and children.

My second rock is my health.

What??? God, then Health BEFORE spouse, children, and family?? Yep. I'll use the flight attendant speech as an illustration.  When you are seated on the plane before take-off and you are hearing the instructions to use your bottom, I mean your seat cushion, as a flotation device, the instructions regarding the oxygen mask has a unique twist to it.  You MUST put on your oxygen mask before helping your children.  I've had flight attendants stand over me and sternly look me in the eye and tell me again, "You MUST put your oxygen mask on BEFORE helping your children." Yes, ma'am.

Why do you think they have to point this out to us?  Aren't we selfish creatures whose basic instinct is to go into self-preservation mode? Not when it comes to our kids.  It has to do with survival of the fittest but once we have children they are the ones we've created to pass on our genetics to future generations so then they are the subject of our protection.  We will go to extremes to preserve our children's lives.  God wired us that way.  You know what I mean, the mother bear instinct that causes us to take on a 250 pound man with a gun who threatens our children.  We don't stop to be logical about it, we just do what it takes to take care of our children not thinking about what may happen to us.

We do the same with the little things in life too only instead of our life being in danger in a flash, we can let ourselves go and slowly harm ourselves over time. We must put on our oxygen mask every day in order to be 100% at our best in order to take care of others.

What do we need to do to be at our best? Eat right, exercise, take "me time" breaks, get enough sleep, and all of those other things we put off because we think we don't have enough time.  We see it as a selfish luxury and something that needs to wait until after we've taken care of everyone else.

What happens when we don't put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before helping others? We pass out.  How useful are we to them at that point? We're not.

The health rock could have a jar of its own.  So many aspects are involved and there is so much sand that can get in the way.  I'll be tackling this topic over the next few days.  In the meantime, I have found myself with 15-30 minutes that I can use to take a walk so I'm going to do that.  It doesn't feel right with dishes to be done and other things on my To-Do list, but I know it's the best thing I can do right now for myself and for my children.

We'll do more rock talk tomorrow.

Rock #1 Setting the Stage

To be successful with our rocks, we need to set the stage because things don't just happen. There would be no need for the rocks in a jar metaphor if everything magically fell into place without us thinking about it.

For my quiet time, I have to have a place I know I will go and a time that I will go there.  Just like brushing my teeth, there is a time and a place for it. Teeth: when I wake up and at the sink. My quiet time has to be the same way.  The trick is to give myself enough time to add it to my morning routine or the madness of getting the kids ready for school will take over before I know it.

I'm not a morning person so I've tried the end of the day quiet time which I'm sure would work well for many people.  I've learned it doesn't work for me because I NEED to be filled before I get going or I'll easily turn to my own self-focus and, "Me, me, me!!" does not make for a good day. If I skip breakfast, I'm not a fun person to be around come 10am. Same with being spiritually fed.

Where do I go? I've always had the vision of a nice red leather wing back chair with a small round table next to it.  On the table I'd have a nice lamp and a small stack of inspirational books with maybe a journal. Instead I have the rocking chair from the nursing babies days scooted up next to the particle board scrapbook desk turned TV stand that has a 6"x12" space to put my books under the TV. Waiting until I have the perfect spot would put me off at least 2 years so, make do with whatcha got right?

What tools do you need for your big rock? Do you have a time and place set aside?

I'll be applying this idea to all of my rocks in the days to come.  Let me know how your journey is going!

Big Rock Number One

So, what are my big rocks?  What are the things that mean the most to me or are my core values? Maybe what I should be asking is, "What do I WANT my big rocks to be?" Because I can tell you that God is the most important thing in my life, but often gets put off more and more until I realize I haven't been filled spiritually in days which leads to weeks.

One Bible study teacher said to me, "You miss one day with God, He can tell. You miss two days with God, you can tell. You miss three days with God, EVERYONE can tell."

So if you see me being cantankerous (I had to look up a synonym for "bitchy" because I'm trying to not swear, Oye!), so...... if you see me being cantankerous wink wink, you can ask me if I've been spending time with my number one Rock.

What are my other rocks? My spouse, my children, my health, my family.

What does putting them in my jar first look like?  Let's just take this one rock at a time shall we? If I try to take on too much, rocks'll be flyin!  Knowing that this was going to be my post today and that today is the first day of the month, I made sure I had quiet time focusing on God. Well... that's debatable because the book I used for a devotion is "God's Words of Wisdom for Moms" or something like that so really the focus was ME with God because I'm that self-centered, but it's a step.

It truly did help though because it got me thinking about celebrating my children and their growth in their faith.  It's hard to be Mean Morning Mommy when you have thoughts of your children's faith on your mind. And hey, that's a two for one rock moment there: God AND Kids.

Having the devotion book helped too because I wasn't overwhelmed with the idea of BIBLE STUDY. I have more plans for addressing my God Rock, but hey we've got all month right?

What's big rock do you want to focus on right now? What's one thing you can do to put that rock in your jar today and not let the other things get in the way?

Welcome

There is a great story of a philosophy teacher who presented a question to his class. He had a large jar and a pile of rocks.  As he placed the large rocks into the jar he asked his students to let him know when the jar was full.  As the rocks reached the rim, the class said the jar was full.

"Really?" he asked. Then he pulled out a bag of pebbles and started to pour them in and they took up the spaces between the large rocks. "Is the jar full now?" They agreed that it was.

"Really?" he said again. Then he pulled out a bag of sand and proceeded to pour the sand in as it seeped into the cracks between the rocks and pebbles filling the jar from the bottom to the top.

"Class, what is the moral of the story?" 

"I know!" an enthusiastic student responded. "No matter how full your life seems, you can always add more."

"Not really. You see, if you were to put the sand in first, then the pebbles, then the rocks, it all would not fit in the jar.  The jar is each day we wake up to.  The rocks are the things that are the most important to our lives.  They are the things that, if all else was lost, we would still be able to go on: our faith, family, children, health. The pebbles are the smaller things that are important to us: our job, house, car, hobbies. The sand is everything else. If we put the sand in first, there is no room for the most important things. Choose each day to put the big things first."

                                                               *Author unknown

Ahhhhh! Am I choosing to put the big things first? Honestly, no.  I am the queen of filling my time with the sand and by the end of the day; I'm frustrated that the rocks didn't get their fair place at the center of my life.

Starting June 1st, this blog will chronicle my challenge to put the first things first in my life and along the way kick some of the sand out!  You are invited to join me on this journey either as an observer or as one who takes the challenge along with me. Are you ready to put your big girl panties and get going? Let's get to work!

Please pass this invitation on to the other women in your life.