This is a recycled post from last year after Mother's Day. Just a reminder that we teach our children how to treat us. Are we a diva, a martyr, or someone to be honored?
I love being on stage. I love being noticed. I love being appreciated. So, you would think Mother's Day would be one of the best days of the year for me. But, I've learned Mother's Day isn't really about the moms. It's about the kids. I also learned a big lesson this weekend: that Mother's Day is a great teaching opportunity and I have neglected it the last 8 years.
I have shared my opinion of Mother's Day with audiences over the years. Not wanting to be the martyr mom that complains about how my Mother's Day was disappointing because I still had to cook and do the dishes, that my kids fought, and my husband bought me pajama jeans “As Seen on TV”, I took matters into my own hands.
My favorite meal is brunch and I searched around to find a great brunch in the area and made our reservations. No cooking, no doing dishes? Check.
When I saw a Groupon offer for 3 house cleaning sessions for $99, I snapped it up letting my husband know that my Mother's Day and birthday gifts were purchased. No pajama pants as gift? Check.
Children fighting? Well, in the past I took care of that by hosting a Mother's Day sleep over at a hotel the Friday before Mother's Day. Can't do much about them on Sunday but I got one night of no fighting (or at least one night of me not hearing them fight) Check.
This has worked very well over the years. Even this year was pleasant. But something was missing.
We normally have brunch in Old Sacramento but this year I changed the restaurant to a closer location. My son still wanted to go to Old Sacramento for the traditional trek through the free candy samples at Candy Heaven. Not my idea of a fun time, but hey. "Sure, babe. I'd do that for you. Let's go!"
During the half hour drive, my daughter started a tantrum that involved dramatic crying and thrashing because she couldn't play with her brother's swim goggles. After a while my husband looked at me and said, "Probably not the gift you wanted on Mother's Day." But I answered, "My greatest gift is that our son is not reacting." Normally he would be screaming with her telling her to “BE QUIET!!!!” Causing her to cry and thrash even louder. Instead he stayed quiet in the back seat. That's huge for the kid who has sensory processing issues.
I honestly enjoyed counting my blessings of true gifts throughout the day realizing that the day wasn't meant to be "all about me." If that were the case, we'd be spending our time somewhere other than candy shops and toy stores.
I wasn't the center of attention, I wasn't a martyr, and I was content with my blessings. So, what's missing? What learning opportunity had slipped by me? It wasn't until the next morning that I realized the kids and my husband had done nothing for me. No card, no homemade breakfast, no trip to the dollar store to buy a dust collector disguised as a figurine.
And even though I jokingly posted a pic on my Facebook page poking fun at the crowd of dads in the greeting card section of the grocery store at 3pm on Saturday, there was something important happening. They were being role models showing appreciation and respect for the mother of their children.
By making sure I was not disappointed on Mother's Day and taking care of things myself, my kids were just along for the ride. They are old enough now to learn to do things for other people, to make others feel special. Shoot, everything is about them in their little world, we HAVE to teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them. Next time, I will see encouraging a little special attention as a good thing, letting them pamper me to learn something. I can handle that kind of sacrifice. So, note to self: this Father'sDay, we are going to knock ourselves out making a fuss over Dad.
Which leads me to the question: Do they make pajama jeans for men?
UPDATE: My birthday is not long after Mother's Day so last year after this post, the kids worked with my husband and made a poster for me made up of pictures and words that remind them of me. We did the same for my husband for his birthday.
This year I'm hearing a lot about the "surprises" that they are planning for me for Mother's Day. My daughter hasn't figured out that you are supposed to keep surprises a secret! It's been darling. We are still going out to brunch and walking around Old Sacramento for the free candy samples, but I know the kids are very aware now that this is a special day to honor their mother. There will be cards, and chocolate chip cookies (shhhh, they're surprises.) Yeah!!! Teaching children to think of others? Check!
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